BAYONNE, NJ — In a development that has fans of the A Song of Ice and Fire series holding their breath and rolling their eyes, acclaimed author George R.R. Martin has announced he will complete the long-awaited sixth novel, The Winds of Winter, right after finishing his work on the upcoming Elden Ring TV show based on the video game of the same title, which he has also worked on as a writer.
Speaking from his cozy Bayonne home, surrounded by stacks of manuscripts and vintage toy knights, Martin gave a heartfelt and somewhat cryptic assurance to his longsuffering fans: “I promise you, The Winds of Winter will be finished once the Elden Ring TV show is wrapped up.”
The announcement, however, left fans with more questions than answers. For starters, the Elden Ring TV show is still in the early stages of pre-production with no official release date in sight. The show’s producers have been tight-lipped about details, only confirming that Martin is deeply involved in crafting the world-building and lore, a process that could take years.
Some fans are cautiously optimistic. “I mean, this is a step in the right direction, isn’t it?” said Carla Simmons, a long-time reader who still has her original, dog-eared copy of A Game of Thrones. “He’s working on something, at least. Maybe this will get his creative juices flowing for the final installment of A Song of Ice and Fire.
Most, however, are skeptical and frustrated. “We’ve heard this song and dance before,” grumbled Derek Johnson, who has been waiting for the book since he graduated high school ten years ago, a now tenured professor. “Remember when he said he’d finish it after A Dance with Dragons? That was fourteen years ago!”
Martin, ever the multitasker, seems unperturbed by the skepticism. “You know, I have a lot of irons in the fire,” he said, casually mentioning his work on House of the Dragon, various other TV projects, a new line of collectible figurines, and his beloved New York Jets. “But The Winds of Winter is always on my mind. Well, mostly.”
He then hinted at a potential timeline, adding, “The Elden Ring TV show should be quite the epic journey. We’re talking multiple seasons, spinoffs, maybe even a movie or two. Once that’s all done, I’ll have plenty of time to dive back into Westeros. Probably.”
The fan community’s response has been predictably passionate. Reddit threads and Twitter feeds have exploded with theories, memes, and bets on whether The Winds of Winter will ever see the light of day. Some have even speculated that Martin’s announcement is part of an elaborate meta-narrative designed to keep fans guessing in true Westerosi fashion.
One enterprising group has started a crowdfunding campaign to hire a team of personal assistants to help Martin stay on track. “We just want to ensure he’s not distracted by every shiny new project that comes his way,” said campaign organizer Tim Baker. “We’ll send reminders, set deadlines, maybe even chain him to his desk if we have to.”
Despite the uncertainty, Martin remains a beloved figure, his every move watched with bated breath by millions. “He’s like the Santa Claus of fantasy literature,” said author Neil Gaiman in a recent interview. “You never know when—or if—he’s coming, but you keep hoping every year.”
For now, whether The Winds of Winter will ever grace our bookshelves remains as mysterious as the fate of Jon Snow in the novels.
The Lutheran Column 
What if he just doesn’t have a heart to tell his devoted fans he has no inspiration to finish the series? Maybe he just can’t come up with good enough an ending for such a great story.
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You know this is satire, right sweetheart?
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