Beckett: Poetry – No. 1909, Toilet Paper Psalm

Someone requested I write a toilet paper psalm, so I did. This is a satire.


O Toilet Paper, in you I take refuge;
save me from these diseased knaves,
lest when I have need to defecate,
my bowels aren’t torn asunder.

Though I plunder the Walmart temple
without cause, or concern for my fellow man,
arise with your soft fabric upon my cheeks,
that I may feel your fluffy presence!

Lift up your papery smoothness
against the fury of COVID-19!
Let all the people assemble around you
for the sake of your supple judgement!

I give to you the thanks
due your pliable name.
Hear the praises of my grunts
as my ass sits atop its throne!

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