SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a surprising move, Gethsemane Lutheran Church (LCMS) participated in an interfaith walk with Muslims and Jews, which took place directly after the Muslim Fajr prayer at 5am. Despite the event featuring religious leaders from a veritable smorgasbord of faiths—including pastors, priests, rabbis, and Imams—the church remains insistent that this gathering did not engage in heretical behavior called unionism, which occurs when religious groups with different creeds and spiritual beliefs worship together or organize in some other fashion.
“It’s purely coincidental that we walked in the same direction at the same time,” said Pastor Alex Wright of Gethsemane. “We just happen to share the same sidewalk. I mean, this is our shared community, after all. It’s like a celestial traffic jam, nothing more.”
Rabbi Moishe Abrams, one of the participants, was overheard saying, “We just took a stroll and discussed our favorite bagel recipes. It’s hardly a theological summit.”
The event’s schedule, which included shared reflections on how God calls us to care for creation, joint prayers, shared reflections on peace, and a humble potluck, further muddied the waters. Yet Pastor Wright remains adamant. “We’ve clearly demarcated all prayer rugs, Bibles, and Torahs to ensure no accidental unionism occurs. The potluck is strictly segregated by dietary law—a simple sharing each other’s cultural customs. We have had Lutheran Brätwursts, kosher kugel, and halal hummus all in their own little corners. Sure, we all tried some if we didn’t feel too restricted by dietary laws, but that’s hardly unionism.”
Father Patrick O’Connor, another participant, cheerfully added, “It was wonderful to engage in this… uh, non-unionism? I think we’re calling it a ‘coincidental coexistence.’ Yes, that sounds sufficiently vague.”
One of Gethsemane’s members, Donna Dixon, did not participate and questioned the church’s logic. “So, they can walk together, talk together, eat together, but it’s not unionism because… why exactly? Because they say it’s not? This is like when my husband insists he’s ‘just resting his eyes’ and not actually napping.”
To maintain the thin veneer of non-unionism, the church employed strict rules. All songs were sung in turn so that no one was technically harmonizing with anyone else, and all shared prayers were conducted via walkie-talkies to maintain a semblance of spiritual separation. But despite these efforts, participants from all faiths were seen mumbling the songs of other faiths and bowing their heads during their prayers.
The pinnacle of the event was a group meditation session led by Imam Ali Bilal, who had led the Fajr prayer earlier that morning. When asked how this fit into the non-unionism narrative, Pastor Wright simply said, “We’re just collectively embracing inner peace while standing within close proximity. It’s a spatial coincidence.”
As the walk concluded with a joint planting of a “Tree of Unity,” Pastor Wright could be seen furiously scribbling out “Unity” within the front cover of his compact Bible.
At the end of the day, Gethsemane Lutheran Church continued to champion its paradoxical principles. “We’re proving you can be together without really being together,” said Pastor Wright. “It’s like being on a Zoom call but keeping your camera off. You’re there, but you’re not really there. See? Totally not unionism.”
As another pastor within Gethsemane’s circuit commented, “The whole thing was centered around talking about God calling us as His stewards of creation. Which God did they talk about? The Christian, Muslim, or Jewish God?”
The Lutheran Column 