REDMOND, WA — In a dazzling display of corporate sincerity, MegaCorp, the global conglomerate known for everything from cereal to smartphones, had once again changed its logo to rainbow colors for Pride Month. However, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, they reverted to their default logo as soon as the calendar flipped to July 1st. When questioned about this rapid change, MegaCorp candidly admitted the gesture was purely for financial gain.
In an exclusive interview with billionaire CEO, Rachel Montgomery, the company’s stance was laid bare. “We here at MegaCorp are staunch supporters of… well, whatever boosts our sales,” Montgomery said, adjusting her 18k white gold necklace with 10.2 carat diamonds. “Every June, we see a massive spike in revenue when we slap a rainbow on our logos across all our social media accounts. It’s like clockwork, so why wouldn’t we do it?”
MegaCorp’s PR department worked overtime during June, flooding social media with heartfelt posts about inclusivity, equality, and #loveislove. “We’re proud to stand with the LGBTQIA+ community,” one tweet read, punctuated with a series of rainbow emojis and a stock photo of a diverse group of transgender and gay employees looking exceedingly happy.
But as the clock struck midnight on July 1st, the rainbow logos vanished faster than a box of MegaCorp’s Pride-themed cereal, Pride Nuggets. “We were ready,” said MegaCorp’s Chief Marketing Officer, Polly Silvers. “We had interns on standby to switch everything back the moment June ended. Efficiency is one of our key principles.”
When asked about the blatant shift, Silvers didn’t mince words. “Look, we’re not hypocrites. We’re just very efficient at following market trends. If rainbow logos make people buy more MegaCorp products, then we’re all in. For thirty days. But hey, love is love, right?”
Employees at MegaCorp HQ weren’t particularly shocked by the change. “Yeah, they handed out rainbow pins and t-shirts on June 1st,” said one anonymous worker. “Then on July 1st, they sent an email asking us to return them for ‘inventory purposes.’ We’re used to it by now. But at least they hire non-discriminately.”
MegaCorp’s competitors have taken note of the strategy. “We’ve definitely seen the financial benefits,” said CEO of Macrohard, Robert Shepard. “Next year, we’re thinking of adding glitter. People love glitter. And glitter equals dollars.”
The LGBTQIA+ community has been quick to call out MegaCorp’s transparent ploy. Social media has been ablaze with accusations of “rainbow capitalism” and pandering. One viral tweet by gender-fluid user, @PrideTrain2005, said, “MegaCorp changes its logo more often than I change my gender. #PrideForProfit.”
Montgomery seemed unfazed by the backlash. “Look, we’re a company, not the Peace Corps. Our job isn’t to change the world. At the end of the day, our mission is to maximize shareholder value. If that means embracing Pride for thirty days a year, then we’re happy to do it. And if that means ditching the rainbow on July 1st, then we’re equally happy to do that too.”
Despite the criticism, MegaCorp’s sales figures don’t lie. Their quarterly earnings report showed a significant uptick thanks to their Pride Month campaign. “Numbers don’t lie,” Silvers reiterated. “And as long as the rainbow keeps the cash flowing in June, we’ll keep rolling it out year after year.”
As MegaCorp continues its annual tradition of temporary allegiance, one thing remains clear: in the corporate world, even the colors of the rainbow can be monetized.
The Lutheran Column 